Trust Tommy

This post, originally posted on February 19th, 2008, less than 2 months into my no-chocolate year. John took it upon himself this year to make me eat chocolate. He failed. In honour of this, and of his efforts, which were undeniably good, here’s a reblog of his most dastardly attempt:

Sit back, relax, and attend the tale of the chocolate shampoo.

Yes. You read that right. Chocolate shampoo.

I finally got up about two hours ago, and hopped in the shower. I reach for the green shampoo but it’s empty. I grab the lynx shampoo and click open the top. I pour some onto my hand and a brown cascade flows onto my hand.

Anyone else would think that’s poo, but you guys know Trust Tommy better then that. No, this is John’s latest (in a string of) attempts to force me to eat chocolate.

I look at it.

No. Impossible. He couldn’t. That’s..

I can wonder all I like, but the truth is that, yeah, John replaced my shampoo with chocolate.

It hasn’t touched my hair of face. It’s merely dripping down my arm.

I close the lid and run the shower again, getting it off. Then I pour half of the chocolate down the drain.

I decide on my method of revenge. I get dressed, grab the bottle and head downstairs. John is innocently eating breakfast.

Nonchalantly, I approach him.

“Funny,” I say, in mock concentration, trying to keep a straight face. “When you buy Lynx shower gel, it’s usual for it to contain gel, right?”

By now, I’m right beside him.

“Yeah” I continue. “I’d be almost certain that’s the case”

John smirks. The smirk is quickly replaced with a look of alarm when I lunge forward and pour the last 1/4 of the bottle’s contents all over him.

Revenge is sweet. Hell yeah!

**

And you know what? He had the cheek to send around a photo essay!

As always, peeps, click for bigger versions

So, as my 8th month of not eating chocolate draws to a close, my mind is drawn to next year. I really don’t know whether I’ll go back on chocolate in 2010. I definitely don’t see myself counting down the seconds until January 1st and then cramming as much Cadbury’s into my mouth as possible.

The thing about my chocolate habits was that the only real time I ate it was at parties, there was never much chocolate around the house anyway. Okay, this December 2008 post disagrees, even saying I’d love to be able to say that it’s all because of Christmas, but we both know it’d be an utter lie... Hm, how do I explain my way out of this one? :-)

Giving up things is fun, and I’d totally be interested in giving up. Chocolate was the only substance that warrants giving up; I don’t drink, smoke or engage in wanton drunken debauchery, no matter what I tweet.

What I should do is I should take something up now to give it up January 1st.

How easy was staying off chocolate in America?

Easy enough, when you think about it. First and foremost, American chocolate tastes nothing like Irish chocolate, which, naturally, would be the stuff I’m missing.

So in the evenings, when I’m craving something sweet, it’s not a Hershey’s kiss I’m craving, not least because it tastes like a baboon’s backside (tried one in 2007), but simply because it wasn’t what I liked in 2008 when I ate chocolate. That honour goes to Dairy Milk.

Yeah, the only times when I came into close contact with chocolate was on the ride home when they served that brownie something or other with the pasta.

The only two desserts I saw in the US were at the Science Museum:

Caramel apples, quite expensive. (4.29 dollars)

Yes, that’s an apple coated in chocolate sauce, with M&Ms glued to it. Eww.