Tommy Collison

Some people hate chuggers, some hate migrants. I don’t mind either. Who I do mind are busy bodies.

Those people who actively go about their day trying to make everything perfect for themselves.

Take a train journey I had a few Sundays ago. I sat in the priority seating. To be honest, I didn’t notice it was that until I was sitting down, with all my stuff laid out. I shrugged, thinking that I did have a legit reason for being here. We set off and I plug in some headphones into my iPhone and start playing some of Hugh Laurie’s piano compositions. (Highly recommended)

About a quarter of the way through it, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I pull out my headphones, and turn around. There’s this middle aged woman looking concerned. As a reflex, I look down at myself, wondering if I’m pale or I’m bleeding. I know my music wasn’t too loud, so she can’t be here to complain. Can she?

“Sorry, do you know what that seat is?” she asks.
I look around. “Priority, non-reserved” I say, not getting her.
“Yeah, that’s a priority seat” she says, in a voice that suggests I’m 3 years old and can’t grasp the English language.
“I know that” I reply, not giving way to her officiousness.
“Well” she said. Swear she’s a school teacher. Only they can manage such condescending tones. “Do you know what that means?”
I laugh. This is a joke right? Her face doesn’t change. “Yeah, I do” I say.
“Well, you’re not priority”
“Excuse me?” I say, and I produce the cane, which had been resting in my hand, hidden from view in my hand. I’m not sure whether my hand was surreptitiously hiding it from her or it was genuinely resting there.
“Is that yours?”
Resisting the urge to say something sarcastic, I answer. “Yes, I need it”
“Why?” she barks. Definitely a teacher
I sigh. I wish I could be left alone from people who insist on reenacting parts of Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition. “I got Cerebral Palsy, OK?”
This is the trump card. This is the electric shock the dogs should get if they go too close to the fence. This is the crack of the whip circus elephants learn to fear. She backs away slowly.

“Oh, alright so”

Why can’t people just mind their own fucking business?

I despair and am disheartened and desponded because such people exist and are allowed to live among normal people